Sarah James is a member of one of our churches in the Lower North Island Baptist Association. The author's name has been changed to protect her privacy.
How often do we talk about singleness in church? I’m sure as you look around your church family you will find many people who are either unmarried, widowed or divorced.
As someone who is single sometimes it can feel like churches are placing more emphasis on marriage and families, which can leave us feeling unsure of where we fit in. Sometimes singleness can be viewed as a waiting room or a problem needing to be solved but instead it is something to be celebrated for all the good things God can use single people for. The reality is most single people are not looking for a church dating service but rather to be embraced and accepted just as they are. Are we teaching that a life of singleness can be just as fulfilling as a life of marriage? Singleness is something to be absolutely valued.
When you are single in your 30’s you become pretty good at floating, especially after the church service has finished, looking around who’s here today, who can I talk to. Of course, I certainly wouldn’t look down on any single person who doesn’t stay around after a church service. It can be a tough transition going from having a thriving young adult community in your 20’s, you notice the shift in your 30’s. We know Paul the Apostle refers to singleness in 1 Corinthians 7, but what he doesn’t talk about is everything that comes along with being single. Some people choose to be single and that’s fine but then there are others who perhaps long to serve God with someone by their side.
There are so many reasons to why someone is single, you just never know what’s going on in a single person’s life. Singleness isn’t always a choice, but sometimes single people choose to put their relationship with God and HIS purposes over having a relationship with someone who isn’t in a relationship with God, so they choose not to go down that path. I want to acknowledge that there can be grief over what might have been, the kids you might have had, that’s okay, God isn’t angry over the fact you felt something. When Jesus talked about denying ourselves and taking up the cross and following him, he never said it would be easy, but He did promise He would be with us every step of the way.
The older I’ve become the more I’ve started to worry about single people in churches. I often notice a lot of them come into the church but won’t stay, they may choose to go to another church, but some single friends stop going all together. I began to think, what can we do better here, something needs to change. What can we do differently to engage with single people in a way that makes them feel part of the family?
Here are a few ways you can help create a great sense of belonging:
Connect with us
I’d really encourage churches and individuals to be more intentional when it comes to connecting with single people. Although we don’t have a spouse or children we can always connect other ways like sport, art, music etc.
Inclusion
There are so many opportunities to include single people both in the church and out in the community, maybe you can invite them to be part of your Sunday lunches, life groups, start volunteering together in the community etc. I think women’s and men’s ministries are so important because they are one of the ways that help connect those who are single and those who are married.
Think of us
Sometimes it’s not always easy being single at Christmas or other times in the year, maybe you know someone has lost a loved one. A short message or word of encouragement would mean so much.
If you are single and reading this, please know you are such an important part of God’s church, my hope is that you feel a deep sense of belonging.
Lord, teach us to love others deeply and faithfully. Jesus, you lived the perfect example of love and sacrifice. Shape our hearts to mirror yours, so that our lives may reflect your grace and truth.
Photo credit: Leon Seierlein, Unsplash.
