This occasional weekend column called ‘Pondering:…’ is where people from within the collective of 240 Baptist churches across the country can share issues they are thinking about in a way that opens up a topic from a particular perspective. Feel free to comment on these pieces via our Letters to the Editor. These opinion pieces are the views of individuals and need to be considered within the context of the diversity of our union of Baptist churches in New Zealand. When commenting or contributing, please follow our Guidelines for articles, opinion pieces and online comments.
In this column, Lorna Jenkins, former Baptist Director of Christian Education from Long Bay Baptist Church, presents a “last gasp letter” to pastors in Aotearoa, urging renewed attention to the significance of children and their ministry in our churches.
Dear Senior Pastor,
You may well be asking why this old lady (88 years) is bold enough to write a last gasp letter to pastors like you - fair question.
Recently, I felt the stirring of the Spirit as I did so many years ago to speak on behalf of children. I am now living in a retirement village, and my husband, who was also a pastor, has passed into the Lord’s presence. So, now I have time to think and pray before I go to join him.
(By the way, this letter is a coffee cup read – about 15 minutes)
Who am I?
If your hair is thinning or going silvery, you may remember a time when I was travelling around New Zealand as the Baptist Director of Christian Education. I was visiting churches and alerting them to a growing calamity.
It was 1992 and I had discovered that our Baptist church buckets had a hole in them. 80% of children who were born into Christian families, were disappearing once they reached 13-17 years.
Concerned, I also sent a questionnaire to other denominations, only to find that they had holes of various sizes too. With the help of Laidlaw College, we held an interdenominational conference, to talk about faith, children in New Zealand and why our Sunday Schools were not doing the job. It left us with a big mission.
In response, some churches made a determined effort to change their approach to children, and I wrote material to help them. Sadly, few continued for more than a couple of years. When leadership changed, the vision waned, flickered or died out completely.
A personal Change of Direction
Unexpectedly, God called me to Singapore, where the world was different. Faith Community Baptist Church was a brand-new growing church of over 5,000 people, with an innovative pastor, Rev Lawrence Khong. With his consultant, Dr Ralph Neighboour, he embraced home groups as the life and heart of the church. They wanted me to create a Children’s Ministry that reflected the vision of the church. It was as if God gave me a laboratory to try things out and see what would work and what wouldn’t.
I realise it was different in Singapore
(a) The whole church was built on home groups and if there were children in families, then they were active members of the group. Their group was like their extended family.
(b) The Pastor was totally behind the inclusion of children. Early in my stay, he asked me to sit near him in staff meetings, so that, no matter what we were discussing, I should ask, “What about the children, Pastor?”
(c) We had a great team of children’s leaders, 11 of them on staff, and 168 volunteers. They led Children’s Celebrations, and they assisted with creating Intergenerational groups.
(d) In Singapore culture, the day was organized differently. The family usually arrived home for dinner around 7pm. School classes were staggered into early classes and late classes. It was routine for children to have homework and tuition in the evening and would seldom go to bed before 11pm. Going to cell group was just one of the weeknight activities of their household and children stayed up for the entire meeting as a matter of course.
You can read more about my experiences in my e-book “Shouting in the Temple”, available on Amazon.
After Singapore
Reflecting on it later, I used to think of my ten years working with the Singaporean church as my golden years of ministry. Not only were we able to keep our children through youth into active faith in adulthood, but our children were learning to live as followers of Jesus. Some of them even became active “reachers”, leading their friends to Him. One boy reported that he had gathered a prayer group in his school and so far, they had won four students and were praying for another four that year.
Many children would go with their parents to visit other people in their apartment block, to bring small gifts for Christmas or Chinese New Year.
But in New Zealand the culture is different and we can’t do things here exactly the same way we did in Singapore. We have to work in sync with the social norms of our Kiwi society.
Why am I writing to pastors about children?
Well, I can’t forget that Jesus was fairly explicit about how He wanted His church to care for His children. Remember “Feed my lambs” and the instructions in Matthew18.
Senior Pastors are the keepers of the church’s vision. The pastor, the people and the elders seek for a vision from God for the whole church. When that is formulated, the pastor becomes the gatekeeper to ensure the vision is moving forward. As such pastors need to remember that the children are not just a department of the church but parishioners of your congregation.
As such, Senior Pastors have many responsibilities regarding children in their care. These days they include civil responsibilities including the ultimate duty of care to protect the children from harm, sexual abuse and family violence. Children’s workers must be police checked and churches are not allowed to influence children who are making decisions about their gender identity. In a world where children are deluged with endless information sources, we need to think harder about how to receive and love our children in the church and show them towards Jesus. And how do we help their parents?
Children growing into Faith not out of church
Families are the key. The primary place for growing children is first and foremost in a family and this includes single-parent families and families led by grandparents. When a family is expecting a baby, it is a steep learning curve. A brand-new person is about to land on planet Earth. The family needs to get ready. Equally when God sends a baby into a Christian family, it is also a learning time. God is asking the parents to look after the child and to teach him/her to follow Jesus. If a single mother/father has no Christian family, the church home-group can accept the privilege of being spiritual aunts, uncles and grandparents. In families, children learn their culture without being told. When they attend kindergarten or school, they are quite surprised to discover that other families are different. So, as they grow, we need to tell them why we do the things we do. Parents need support to lead their children in the life-style of kingdom living.
Fostering Family Culture
Culture is passed on almost without thinking about it. So we need families where the unspoken but ever present culture actively reflects Jesus living. Here are some examples.
(a) We thank God for our food. Children think quite logically that their food comes from the supermarket or the takeaway shop. We can tell them that the food chain begins with God. He is the Giver.
(b) We say Goodnight prayers. Children need to feel safe. They like to know that someone is looking after the people who look after them.
(c) We pray when someone is sick. Often, children have more faith than adults do.
(d) We go to church. Children need to know why they go, when others don’t. They learn that the gathering of believers is where we celebrate together our love of God. We hear more about Jesus. We tell Him how much we love Him together as a group. Parents need to avoid using phones or electronic games to ‘baby-sit’ in the pew until the children go out to children’s ministry. Such behaviour reinforces a message that church is not that interesting or irrelevant to kids.
(e) We have a few unshakeable family rules – for both adults and children.
e.g. “In our family, we tell the truth because we trust each other.”
“In our family we say sorry when we’ve hurt someone and we forgive each other when they hurt us.”
The children learn to do these things when they see the adults do them.
(f) When death enters the family, we include the children in the grieving process with wisdom. It might be grandparents, or the family pet. Children feel the loss and need to learn to take their loss to God for His comfort.
(g) Parents tell their children their own personal story of how they met Jesus. Why they decided to follow Him. How did He make their lives better? How they turn to Jesus when things go wrong? How He has guided them and helped them make choices?
(h) And most importantly parents make an open invitation for their children to follow Jesus too.
Pastors, need to help parents lead their own children to Jesus. Parents get too busy, or too shy or choose to leave the Christian stuff to the church. In many families both parents work full time and they’re exhausted when they get home. Many parents would love to lead their own children to faith, but often avoid it because it sounds complicated. Children need to realise that faith is something they can accept too. It’s not just something for adults.
Your challenge! How can you develop a culture of Christian parenting in your church?
Children in Sunday church
As well as championing effective Christian parenting, Pastors have some direct responsibilities for children in Sunday services.
a) Baby Dedications
This focuses the church on the joy of one family. It introduces the congregation to a new person in their community. For some people, the baby will hardly touch their lives, however in a dedication service the entire body is promising to bring the child up In the Lord. Someone may offer to babysit the child or take an interest as the child reaches their milestones. We had an elderly lady who looked after our children so often that she became like a proxy grandparent to our children, when the real ones were far away
If outsiders want a blessing for their children, include them…. It’s a great time to talk and teach about why we do things the way we do, and we bond with them.
b) Family Time. It’s a real winner in our church. A good few years ago an elderly man in our church felt that people would like to talk about their joys and prayer needs in church. He was right! Every week many people came forward, and children came too. They brought their sports and school certificates, they talked about their music exams and their injuries. We have an adult to interview them so they can be heard, and to pray for them. They love to be recognized by the church family. As churches have grown in size this kind of immediate affirmation by the local church has often been removed from services. Some churches will only pray for people as ‘people groups’ for fear of privacy issues. I think it is a shame as all people love to be recognized by their group. It makes them feel like they belong. You may need to allow for a bit more time or where this is impractical you need to make sure affirmation and prayer is included in home groups so that children and adults have their life accomplishments acknowledged
c) Worship. If you have children in church, they need to be able to participate in the worship. It is your job as pastor to make sure the worship is accessible to all your congregation. Children love the loud victorious songs and can learn to love the quiet serious ones too. This is where your children’s ministry celebration is your teaching agent. If you want children to be able to sing in church, they need to be able to learn the songs in children’s ministry. No one likes to sing a song if they don’t know how a song goes or can’t understand the words. Children enjoy worshipping with their bodies. They will do actions and signs for the meaning of songs, often more readily than adults. Children often feel that they are talking directly to God and sometimes see mind pictures as they worship. They can be encouraged in children ministry to tell their leaders what they saw. This can be practiced over and over so that children understand how to connect to God in worship.
d) Communion. Children can be taught how to participate in communion, under the leadership of their parents, instead of just picking up glasses after the service is over.
e) Prayer. When the congregation is asked to participate in prayer, confident children can also offer their prayer for everyone. Their prayers are just as effective as adult prayers and it is good for the congregation to see that a child can lead them.
Children’s Ministry
Most churches will have some form of Children’s ministry. It can be anything from one small group that includes all the kids of the church because it is all you’ve got. Or it could be a multi-level children’s ministry with an energetic team of teachers and context specific curriculum.
Thankfully most churches have changed the name from Sunday School. The name had bad vibes for children. No child wanted to go to more ‘school’ on the weekend! Furthermore the name implied a place where you learn stuff, but when you grow up, you leave. Older children would be afraid to tell their friends that they went there, because they would be mocked at school. Some parents thought it was a baby-sitting facility while they got some adult time in church. In days gone by, the children mainly heard Old Testament Bible stories, rather than stories about Jesus and real life. The children gained the impression that Bible stories were like fairytales, including fish eating people and a boat that could transport two of every animal of the world.
As the pastor, it is good to check in with your children’s ministry team about the content of their Sunday sessions. The children’s ministry should be dovetailing directly into the vision of the whole church and the message should be consistent for adults and children alike.
A long time ago, I wrote a book for when a child begins his/her own journey of faith. I called it ‘Now I Follow Jesus”. This was my main discipling book for parents and children’s ministry. Regrettably, it is now out of print. But you might like to cover off the same key ideas. This is what it needs to cover:
o Now that I’m are a follower of Jesus, what comes next?
o How do I talk to Jesus? And how does He talk to me?
o What if I do something wrong? Or if something bad happens?
o What is the Holy Spirit and how do I have him inside me?
o How do I forgive someone when I don’t want to?….. You’ve got the idea?
Most importantly the children need to hear stories about who Jesus is, what He did, who he came to see, His healings and forgiveness, the people who loved Him. They also need to know the people who hated Him, and why He chose to die for us, and of course His resurrection from the grave.
Of course, you can use Old Testament stories too, but you need to link them to how we live as Christians in the light of Christ. The Early Church and Paul provide thrilling accounts of the spread of Christianity. People really thought Jesus was good news. History also gives us tremendous life stories – Martin Luther, William Tyndale, David Livingstone, Martin Luther King, and Mother Theresa. There are Māori and Pacifica heroes of faith too.
Whatever you are teaching, fundamentally you are talking about following Jesus. One thing that can be very exciting to children is to bring a mystery member of the congregation into children’s ministry and sit them on the ‘hot seat’. The children love to fire faith questions at people they have seen sitting in the pew. It often surprises them to find out how someone else in their church came to know Jesus or to find out that they made mistakes in life too. It’s the authenticity that matters to children.
When children move into Youth Ministries, they will hopefully have experienced basic discipling. They can be encouraged to get involved in “Reaching Out” events either among their peers or on mission trips. The sooner you can get young people from Christian homes using their faith to disciple others, the sooner they will learn to appreciate their own faith more. There is nothing like teaching someone else, who is just a little behind you, to make you really confirm what you believe. Ask them to take on the responsibility to disciple a younger child or teen, and you will be amazed at the results. Of course young people should have a great time at youth group, but encourage them to use their spiritual muscles as soon as possible.
A pastoral note
Even with excellent parenting and a good church around them, some children will decide to opt out of faith and God. This is not a time for blame. God knows how it feels to lose children. There will be many parents in your congregation who are nursing deep wounds because their children have turned away from God. They will be asking themselves if they were not good role models for Jesus. Reassure them that God has not forgotten their children. Be patient with them and hear their pain. Parents love their children and Christian parents carry deep loss when their children choose not to accept Jesus. It also causes deep wounds into the next generation, when as grandparents they may be politely asked not to read Christian stories to their grandchildren. It is a hard road.
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Well, dear Senior Pastors, you’re out there in the arena, and I’m sitting here in a retirement home, eating and sleeping. I pray for you daily. Every time I hear of your good news, I will cheer and praise God for what He has done through you. I won’t be here for much longer, but if you want to say “Hello”, my email is [email protected]
Soon enough, I’ll be with the “great cloud of witnesses” but if I leave a memory, I ask you to remember your children.
May His peace surround you.
For other ‘Pondering:...’ opinion pieces from people in New Zealand Baptist churches, click here.
Photo credits: Top image by ANTONI SHKRABA production. Photo of Lorna Jenkins supplied via Long Bay Baptist Church.
